No Regret

48x60

48x60in Oil on Archival-Quality Natural Cotton

A close friend of mine back in Virginia Beach, VA use to always tell me “Man I think I attract girls that have issues. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s always girls that suffer from childhood stuff, or family stuff, none of them are really whole man.”

Then, almost as if some great thing in the sky heard our conversation and wanted to test and see where his heart was, sent the “perfect” women his way. She lived in a city close by (about 20 minutes away) and she was unbelievably beautiful, talented, and kind. I met her 4 or 5 times and on each occasion was more convinced than before she was definitely the one for him.

strange though, he never seemed fully happy with her.

After a short time, they broke up.

I asked him why and he told me,

“She’s too perfect. I think I’ve gotten so use to helping out and pouring into the girls I dated, that it felt too uncomfortable being with a girl that always wanted me to fix stuff. I never felt good enough man. It was either I needed to quit drinking or reduce it dramatically – and Genesis you know I don’t drink like that. Or I need to stop smoking weed, or my diet is bad, or my car is too old, or my career is not where it should be. I felt too small with her.”

Strange.

He finally got what he thought he wanted and felt more disconnected than ever before.

I asked him if I could write a poem from his perspective….he gave me the okay and the words just poured from me. I felt as if for a moment, I was him. Thinking back to ex-girlfriends, relationships, or life choices that I thought would bring me fulfilment, only to learn the way it was….the way I had it, was fine.

.

.

.

how can i see past

a future i’m afraid of?

i remember we made love –

see i had a mission to save doves,

but gave up

after we met….

because unlike the other broken wings i mend

or tend to fix,

you needed no such thing.

you were perfect,

at least to me.

so…..fear,

(the destroyer of good things)

and a bunch of stuff we’ve yet to understand,

took my hand,

and led me away from you.